Mission Log 184 (How Not To Make Small Talk)
by UnsolvedRubixsCube
Summary: Sometimes nothing happens on missions, even for the bad guys. Based on long car trips with my family. Cover from Marsalinapocalypse Deviant Art. Swearing


The Overwatch Fandom always needs more of the Talon Trio then I realized I can do that.

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Official transcript of Mission [Retracted] 184

Operatives: Reaper, Team Leader. Widowmaker, Sniper. Sombra, Tech Professional

Objective – Surveillance and Intel Retrieval

Location: [Retracted] Spain. Coordinates: [Retracted]. Site: Nuclear Power Plant

* * *

22:32 Local Time

Sombra: _Sigh_

Sombra: _Sigh_

Sombra: _Siiiiiiiiggghh_

Sombra: I can't believe you got us assigned to the only dead zone left in the world.

Reaper: It's a nuke plant Sombra. What did you expect?

Sombra: To have a lot more work to do than just override a few measly security AIs. God, I can't believe I can't get any bars out here.

Reaper: Keep the chatter down. And don't you have data?

Sombra: It's not called that anymore old man and no because I didn't plan on being launched back to the Middle Ages this evening.

Sombra:_ Sigh_

Sombra: I'm so bored.

Sombra: Reaps there's nothing to do, and I'm boooooooooooooooooo-

[User Sombra - Muted]

Reaper: Chatter, Sombra.

[User Sombra - Unmuted]

Sombra: -ooooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeed.

Sombra: We have the most secure channel in the world. Trust me.

Sombra: And you really don't need to worry about me clogging up the line because nothing is going to happen!

Sombra: Ugh. I can feel my brain cells dying.

Reaper: Oh, come on Sombra this isn't that bad. We've only been here for two hours. Widowmaker hasn't had any issues, why don't you just entertain yourself like she does.

Reaper: Er.

Reaper: Widowmaker what do you do to keep yourself busy on your solo mission?

Widowmaker: Enjoy the silence.

Widowmaker: Maybe do some people watching.

Widowmaker: Take in the view.

Widowmaker: Right now, I have a lovely view of a mold stain that looks like the continent of Africa.

Sombra: See! Even Azul's bored. And she doesn't get bored!

22:35

Reaper: So...

Reaper: Did you catch the game last night?

Reaper: Uh.

Reaper: Do either of you watch football?

Sombra: Do you mean football or handegg?

Widowmaker: He means American football.

Sombra: Reaps, I just want you to know how offended I am at you turning on your heritage.

Reaper: I grew up on both sports. It's not my fault that American football player don't pretend they tore an ACL every five minutes.

Sombra: _Touché_.

Sombra: Either of you see DVa dominate at the Starcraft world cup? She fucking demolished Kyung-soo.

Reaper: Should I know who that is?

Widowmaker: E-Sports aren't real sports.

Sombra: _Mierda_, I can't believe you two are the only bearable people who work at Talon.

Sombra: And e-sports require more skill and brainpower than whole team of hockey players could hope to produce.

Widowmaker: Video games are games like chess. They require talent, but the worst injury you're going to get is tendonitis. Sports involve the whole body.

Sombra: What about shooting?

Widowmaker: You try shooting a gun with only your fingers and tell how well you handle the kickback.

22:37

Reaper: What about you Widow? Got anything to add here?

Widowmaker: I already know neither of you follow dance.

22:43

Sombra: So, does anyone know any good stories?

Reaper: Did I ever tell you about the time I blew up the Swiss Base?

Sombra: Only six thousand times.

Widowmaker: When I was a girl-

Sombra: No!

Reaper: No!

Widowmaker: _Humph_

Reaper: So do you want to hear about the time I blew up the Swiss Base?

Sombra: Ugh.

[User-Reaper Muted]

21:23

Sombra: And that's how I ended up in a dried up swimming pool with an alpaca and eight mil in diamonds for my _Quinceañera_.

Reaper: And I thought McCree was an idiot when he was a teenager.

Widowmaker: For a while there, I wasn't sure why you wished to pursue a partnership with Talon, but now I think I'm starting to understand.

Widowmaker: Terrible life threatening decisions are just par for the course for you.

21:26

Sombra: You guys want to play a game or something?

21:34

Reaper: I spy...

Reaper: Something red.

Sombra: Is the bird carcass on top of those stairs?

Reaper: No.

Widowmaker: Is it the red highlights on your outfit?

Reaper: No.

Sombra: Is...

Sombra: Is that dead bird still moving?

Widowmaker: Is it the lenses of my visor?

Reaper: I can't see you from my position, Widow.

Sombra: My god, I think it's mutating.

Widowmaker: Is it that piece of trash blowing in the wind?

Reaper: Yep.

Sombra: I think that's a Dorito bag. You'd think they'd be above littering at a nuke plant.

Reaper: Widow, you're up.

Sombra: And no using your scope this time.

Widowmaker: I wasn't going to.

Widowmaker: ...

Widowmaker: I spy something black.

Reaper: Is it that patch of mold on that tower?

Widowmaker: No.

Sombra: Is it Reaper's coat?

Widowmaker: No.

22:40

Sombra: Is it Reaper soul?

Widowmaker: No.

Reaper: Is it the shadows created by the lampposts?

Widowmaker: ...

Widowmaker: Can I give half points?

Sombra: Okay! New game.

Sombra: _Azul_, do me a favor and check your visor for a new folder called Party Time. I downloaded you some puzzles and stuff for later.

Widowmaker: I told you to leave my equipment alone, Sombra.

Sombra: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry for touching your stuff. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I think we need it more now.

Widowmaker: Found it.

Widowmaker: Why is there Sudoku in here?

Sombra: Because I have no idea what you like, Widow.

Reaper: Who doesn't like Sudoku?

Widowmaker: Me.

Sombra: There's one that's all riddles. Try that one.

Widowmaker: What language setting?

Reaper: Does it matter? It's not like we share that many languages anyways.

Sombra: Not French. Your guys' spelling is atrocious.

Widowmaker: I'm choosing English.

Widowmaker: ...

Widowmaker: There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today to let people see through walls.

Widowmaker: What is it?

Reaper:...

Sombra: ...

Reaper: X-rays?

Sombra: It said ancient.

Sombra: A keyhole?

Widowmaker: No 'K.'

Widowmaker: Windows.

Sombra: What?

Reaper: What?

Widowmaker: D-O-W. It took it. Next one.

Widowmaker: I'm the part of the bird that can touch the ocean but remains dry. Widowmaker: What am I?

Sombra: Its shadow. Duh.

22:58

Reaper: Cannot hear, feel, or eat.

Reaper: Hmm. Can you read it again?

Widowmaker: I come in winter. I cannot see, hear, or feel. I can't eat, but you can eat parts of me.

Sombra: Can we buy a letter, please?

Reaper: That's cheating. Can't hear, feel, or eat.

Sombra: No it's not. We have plenty of points. Widow, buy us a letter.

Reaper: I can get this!

Widowmaker: The first letter stands with 'S.'

Sombra: Sunlight?

Widowmaker: No 'L's.

Sombra: Dammit.

Reaper: Snow?

Widowmaker: It didn't take it.

23:12

Reaper: Snow peas.

Sombra: Now you're just guessing.

Sombra: Go over the clues again.

Widowmaker: Begins with 'S,' seven letters long, ends with 'N.'

Reaper: Can't see, hear, or feel.

Reaper: Can't see, hear or feel.

Sombra: I can't believe I've actually made things worse.

Reaper: You're just mad you can't cheat by looking up the answer and then taunting us with it.

Sombra: I'm mad because this one is stupid.

Sombra: Have you tried skeleton? Wait, that's too many letters.

Widowmaker: I'm buying the solution.

Widowmaker:...

Widowmaker: Snowman. The answer is snowman.

Reaper: ...

Sombra:...

Widowmaker: ...

Sombra: Well that's stupid.

23:45

Widowmaker: Fatherless and motherless, born without sin, roared when it came into the world, and never spoke again.

Sombra: Moon, love, water, shadow, snow.

Reaper: How many letters again?

Sombra: 'E,' hate, love, Earth, pain.

Widowmaker: Seven, starts with 'T.'

Sombra: Blood, fire, tomato, death, elepha- ahh!

Sombra: Get off! Get off!

Sombra: _Mierda!_

All Channels: _Pop!_

Reaper: What the fuck was that.

Widowmaker: A cockroach. I shot it.

Sombra: It was the size of my face!

Sombra: I forgot those fuckers can fly.

Sombra: It was crawling on my leg. _Hur-ug_

Reaper: Oh. Is everyone okay?

Widowmaker: The shot missed Sombra by a wide margin.

Sombra: I've been splattered with bug guts and I can't hear out of my right ear.

Sombra:...

Sombra: Can we get the fuck out of here now?

Reaper:...

Reaper: It's been close to five hours. I think it's clear our target isn't going to show tonight.

Reaper: Even though that shot was repressed, I don't want to take any chances with security.

Reaper: Let's pack it up.

Sombra: Oh thank god.

Widowmaker: _Merci_, Reyes.

24:15

Reaper: So...

Reaper: Do you two want donuts? You know, as post stakeout treat?

Reaper: It's Blackwatch tradition.

Sombra: That's stupid and I want churros. Churros are superior to donuts.

Widowmaker: I want an espresso.

Reaper: Sure, sure. I can do that.

* * *

AN

_Another fun and short piece._

_Like the list fic these dabbled are easy to pretty easy to bang out and a nice break from my current long WIP. Which will update again I promise._

_Let me know if you'd be interested in more or if you have a suggestion._


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